Are you getting what you want?
We all want to get more love, more compassion, more understanding, more sex, more connection, more intuitiveness… more from our partners. We may feel fulfilled in some way, but there’s always something we want more of. That’s the nature of being human.
How do we get what we want? This is the ultimate question whether you’re in a relationship or are looking for a partner.
I used to think that if I complained about what I am NOT getting, or make my partner feel guilty, or demand what I wanted, then my partner would give it to me. But, I also wanted him to give it to me willingly and happily. Riiiiiiiiiiiight…
I constantly complained about what I’m not getting, hoping that my partner would do something about it. I’d throw hints at him: “Why can’t you do this? Why are you doing that? The dishes are dirty… I just cleaned the table and you already covered it with crumbs… You’re not doing this and that right…” If my complaining didn’t work then I got louder, nastier, more hurtful and animated. I thought this would work, but instead, my partner and I continued to get disconnected and unhappy. Of course, I blamed him for it all.
I waited and waited, hoping that one day he will figure this out and save us from the downhill spiral. Eventually, I started giving up on some of what I wanted altogether and became hopeless and bitter.
And then, about 10 years ago, I was in a self-help workshop and a light bulb went off in my head. I realized that there was a way to get what I wanted from my partner, and it was possible to have him provide it willingly and happily!
Since then, I’ve been practicing, experimenting and perfecting my skill of getting what I want from my partner in a way that empowers both of us and creates peace and joy. It’s not always easy, but it works! I’m excited to share some of my techniques here with you. I will be teaching a relationship workshop on December 6th for more in-depth understanding and practice.
So, how do we get what we want?
Short answer is: ASK. But it’s all about how you ask and when you ask. As Allison Armstrong put it:
“You need a great ASK!”
Complaining and demanding is what asking sounds like from a place of lack, fear and powerlessness. When you ask this way it means you are already upset and hopeless. This kind of asking actually blocks the giver AND your ability to receive.
So, you need to ask from a place of abundance, trust and power. But, how can you if you are not getting enough of what you want?
There is a way! Get ready!
Become more selfish! Figure out how you can give what you want to yourself, because the things you want from others are actually things you want from yourself. Give yourself more love, more compassion, more understanding, more sensuality, more connection, more intuitiveness. Get massages, take hot baths, take nature walks, eat what makes your body happy, dance, play, meditate…
If you give yourself what you want, as a regular practice, then you will start to feel full enough to ask for what you want from a place of abundance, trust and power.
Be direct and ask with respect and love. And give your partner a choice to decline, if they feel the need to. Asking puts pressure on the giver, so remember to release the pressure when you’re done asking. This will give your partner a chance to give it to you willingly and happily.
There’s so much more to asking, like being aware of your expectations of when and how it should be given, what it should look like, how often…
Please, bring your questions to the ECSTATIC RELATIONSHIP WORKSHOP on December 6th and ask them in the comments section below.
I want to leave you with an important point:
The best way to start asking is by appreciating. So, think of something that you already appreciate about your partner and start by thanking them first. They will be much more inclined to give you what you want if they feel that they will be appreciated for it.
Appreciation is magical. It adds value to the person and whatever they are providing for you. Value is energy, so when you start with appreciation, you are starting with an energy exchange that will inspire the giver.
Let your asking be an inspiration!
In deep appreciation and love,